Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

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Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Wed Dec 25, 2013 4:26 am

This is a topic for the discussion of the rewrite of Org.XIV's story, as the actual topic for the story is not in standard back-and-forth RPing format. Rather, it's more like an archive.


So, if anybody has anything to say about it, feel free to say so here. If you want to discuss something in the story, such as the changes made, changes you want made, future events, etcetera, go right ahead.



Links to the original source topics:


1
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/943346-kingdom-hearts-358-2-days/55531286
2
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/943346-kingdom-hearts-358-2-days/56124953
3
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/943346-kingdom-hearts-358-2-days/56337533
4
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/943346-kingdom-hearts-358-2-days/56504239
5
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/943346-kingdom-hearts-358-2-days/56669645


Link to the first TITAL Org.XIV Topic:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t13-org-xiv-story

Second:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t26-org-xiv-story

Third:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t44-org-xiv-story

Fourth:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t55-org-xiv-story

Fifth:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t72-org-xiv-story

Sixth:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t90-org-xiv-story

Seventh:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t105-org-xiv-story

Eighth:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t129-org-xiv-story

Ninth:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t141-org-xiv-story

Tenth:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t157-org-xiv-story

Eleventh:
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t198-org-xiv-story

Twelfth (Current):
http://tital.bigforumpro.com/t308-org-xiv-story



Current Progress (Posted):

*Events added to Recompleted are denoted by an Asterisk.

-Xeromus Prologue complete.*
-Aleri Prologue complete.*
-Rexial was introduced and recruited.
-Rexial and Xeromus discussed what they knew about the situation.*
-Siks was introduced, met Zexion in their fateful encounter.
-Rexial and Siks met, and Siks was recruited.
-A ceremony was held for Siks.
-Siks was tested for aptitude, passing with flying colors.
-Rexial was briefed by Xeromus.*
-Rexial convinced Siks to come with him to Twilight Town, and to test a prototype Disguise Coat.
-The two encountered Seifer.
-Encountered the mysterious "former member" in Twilight Town.
-Siks faced his illusions alone.
-Rexial faced his illusions alone.*
-Both woke up.
-A boy asked Siks for help, leaving Rexial alone.
-Rexial captured his Heartless on Station Tower.
-Xeromus assisted Rexial in subduing it in the Round Room.
-Siks was led to the forest, and was introduced to Seth, escaping the encounter.
-Rexial entered the Recompletion Machine.
-Rexial had a strange dream about a voice.*
-Rexial woke up and went to Twilight Town, his heart restored.
-Siks ran into Rexial and insisted that they both return to CA.
-Siks went to bed while Rexial reported to Xeromus, and was briefed on their next mission.
-Rexial briefed Siks on their mission, and Siks asked to go to Kashyyyk afterwards.
-A man reported about a glitch in the Recompletion Machine to Xeromus.*
-Dispatch was introduced in Arkham Asylum before appearing near Castle Asylum.
-Dispatch entered the castle, falling asleep in Room VI.
>A scene showing how Rexial and Siks met Bartz and went to the Rift was removed.
-Rexial and Siks had entered the Rift, encountering Exdeath.
-After a slightly disturbing scene forcibly recruiting him, the two went to Kashyyyk.
-Xeromus woke Dispatch and told him to sleep in the Guest Room, as he's not a member.
-Dispatch fell into a DC, dropping him in a tree house on Kashyyyk.
-Rexial and Siks came out of a corridor, falling several hundred feet to the surface of Kashyyyk before approaching a tree house.
-Dispatch met Kotank.
-Siks and Rexial entered.
-Xeromus encountered Xorion in the Round Room, recruiting him.
-Xorion expressed a desire for a Moogle vendor.
-Siks left with Kotank.
-Dispatch fell into another corridor, dropping him back at the castle. Rexial dived after him.
-Siks convinced Kotank to join the organization, and they left in the Golden Hawk.
-Dispatch joined the organization because everybody else was doing it.
-Every member now at the castle, they were introduced to each other.
-Xorion went to Hollow Bastion, encountering Lyxsal before recruiting her.
-Xorion found and recruited Tony.
-Lyxsal arrived at the castle and met Rexial. A sparring match ensued.
-Everybody else arrived.
-Siks and Kotank decided to start for Kashyyyk to pick up some things they forgot.
-Seth gloats over his destruction of Kashyyyk. -01/02/2014
-Siks and Kotank arrive, seeing the state of Kashyyyk.
-The two return, and Rexial informs Siks of a way to restore Kashyyyk.
-Rexial, Siks, Kotank, Xorion, and Dispatch start for the End of the World.
-Tony shows off his work to Lyxsal.
-The Golden Hawk encounters twelve Heartless ships.
-The eleven peon ships are destroyed as Dispatch storms the boss ship.
-Dispatch faces Ansem, Seeker of Darkness, and discovers his ability to control metals.
-Ansem's ship is destroyed and Dispatch escapes by DC.
-The crew lands on EotW. -01/11/2014

-As Dispatch and Siks go to investigate a truck, Rexial appears to be feeling unwell.
-Introduction of Alex.
-Alex hastily joins the group to fight as a giant swarm of the Heartless descend upon them.
-Lyxsal and Tony arrive to assist them, as they were gone awhile.
-The battle intensifies as more and more powerful Heartless show up to play.
-Xorion has a flashback, causing him to collapse.
-Lyxsal and Tony bring Xorion back to the castle to recover.
-Alex, realizing how hopeless the battle was, retreats. Then faints from a flashback.
-Dispatch follows to check on him, waking him up and sending him to his room to rest before going back.
-Tony notes that Xorion has no physical problems.
-Alex returns to the battlefield as Dispatch tries to remember their mission.
-Rexial announces his presence by making a dent in the Heartless, then commanding the rest to back off. He looks worse than before.
-The Heartless retreat enough for them to continue the mission.
-Xorion wakes up, returning and using his Keyblade to free Kashyyyk.
>Note: They do NOT free ALL the worlds.
-As everybody talks about heading back home, Xorion insists on something else.
>Siks and Kotank return by ship offscreen.
-The rest of the group follows Xorion to take out his Heartless.
-They try to attack... but are interrupted by Seth.
-Dispatch attacks Seth, which goes about as well as you'd expect.
-The rest engage Orion, Xorion's Heartless.
-Rexial finishes recovering, finishing the fight with Orion.
-Orion is re-absorbed into Xorion, transforming them back into Norio.
-As Dispatch keeps trying to take out Seth, the Heartless boy talks down to him.
-Dispatch continues to fail to hurt him at all, even as ten times his normal force.
-Seth announces that he was there for Orion, but now he's just going to kill Dispatch.
-Seth recognizes Rexial and tells him when they first met.
-Rexial freaks out, forcing everybody to retreat by opening DCs under them all.
-Dispatch storms off, in a bad mood, as Rexial goes off to check something else.
-At Castle Restoration, Zane is introduced, reminiscing about what had happened to him.
>At this point, Zane is actually a Nobody. He hasn't been given the name Nazex yet.
-A hooded man appears, asking Zane where he is.
-Rexial appears, telling them off for trespassing, and mistakes the hooded man for an Organization XIII member.
-The hooded man apologizes, but then recognizes that Rexial has come into contact with 'him', and is lucky to have survived.
-They all introduce themselves. The hooded man's name is Daxma.
-As Daxma is leaving, he offers to let Zane come with him. Rexial, still thinking Daxma is an enemy, offers to let Zane join Organization XIV.
-Zane goes with Rexial, and Daxma tags along to see their base. Rexial forgets his suspicions.
-Back at the castle, people are sleeping. Dispatch is having a dream of being a heroic savior, while Alex dreams of an "Organization XXXI".
-Zane encounters Lyxsal. "DAMN!"
-As Lyxsal rolls her eyes at him, Norio suggests retrieving her heart to make her like him.
-They talk about how Organization XIII can probably detect Dark Corridors into Castle Oblivion... then Dispatch says he has a way around that.
-Dispatch opens the world's first Light Corridor, and as Topic One comes to a close, Rexial is left foaming at the mouth over this impossible feat. -(01/14/2014)

END OF TOPIC I
-Intermission 1, we see Rexial's investigation of the End of the World, and it is explained why everybody was getting painful, headachey flashbacks during the mission.* -(01/25/2014)




-Intermission 2 is set to be about Siks, Susan, and Kotank's backstory together, but it has yet to be written.*
-The heroes encounter a mysterious stranger who never EVER becomes relevant again. Dispatch accidentally takes the Warp Point to the top floor.
-Dispatch notices a stranger figure and chases after him.
-The others catch up to Dispatch, just in time to see him running off.
-Rexial and Norio have a brief verbal fight, which Zane stops.*
-Daxma walks off somewhere, no longer relevant.
-Dispatch catches up to his target, who reveals himself to be Ansem. Dispatch tries to attack, but is immediately rendered unconscious.
-Rexial, Norio, and Zane find the Heartless storage facility.
-Rexial discovers a back room containing a number of more dangerous Heartless. They find Lyxsal's among them, a Bubble Beat, which lets out a cry that causes an Avalanche Heartless to become aggressive and attack.*
-The three of them pin down and defeat the Avalanche. It is noted that this is Zane's first fight.*
-They drop the Bubble Beat through a corridor, Norio and Zane leaping after it. Rexial notices something else and stays behind to investigate.* -(03/04/2014)

-As Norio and Zane discuss what to do with the Heartless, and how they're supposed to know how to use the Recompletion Machine, the Bubble Beat transforms into a strange, but much larger and more-threatening Heartless.*
-Siks and Kotank come out to help fight. While they discuss ideas with Norio and figure out how to damage it, Zane manages to take it down by snatching the heart right out of it.*
-Siks and Kotank go back inside, while Norio and Zane decide to go back for Rexial.*
-Rexial knocks down the door on Floor 13, makes his way through to the end of the floor, and locates a secret passage into the Chamber of Repose.*
-Norio and Zane re-emerge in the 13th Floor Hall. Norio is called back to the Heartless Storage Facility by something. -(01/31/2015)

(01/02/2014) ...Ha-ha, cliffhanger! Of course, we all know how it turns out, don't we? Maybe some of us don't, or forgot, but don't worry, it'll be put up at some point.

(01/11/14) And so, the plot moves on. Will they be able to free Kashyyyk? Can the newly-formed group fight off the endless Heartless mobs lying in wait? And what about Seth? Find out next time, on the next addition to the story, which you guys mostly wrote in the first place! Suspense? how am I supposed to keep that going when, again, you all probably know this. I mean, you guys don't have it all memorized, and I do shake it up a bit.

(01/14/14) As the beginning comes to an end, we move on to the second section of the story. But what could possibly go wrong on a simple errand to get Lyxsal to like Zane? Answer: F*CKING EVERYTHING.
(01/31/15) Ah, finally updated! That took more work than I thought. Can't wait to post up the next part. So, what could possibly await Norio in the storage facility? Is it... plot convenient bullsh*t?!



>If, at any point, you really want me to hurry up and put up the next part, let me know in this topic, so I can make it a higher priority, or if I've already got it written, I can do it immediately.




Most Recently Written (Not Posted):


As Zethel offers to bring one of the seven Princesses to Richard in exchange for his help finding Seth, Thananx begins to seek them to slake his thirst for knowledge by reaching Kingdom Hearts. Dispatch and Aaron offer to help him, but is this the right thing to do? And what consequences will result from this...?

Most Recently Planned (Not Written):
Xemnas is defeated, completely flabbergasted that all his plans as Xehanort are screwed because some copycat organization came right out of left field and has actually killed him before his Ansem side. The Keys to the Kingdom are forced by an unfamiliar presence to perform a ritual that banishes the darkness from the universe. Note: I am still working on the planning, such as assigning characters to groups, and I need to do a lot of work on the Heartless Boss Rush.


Last edited by NebulaGregarZX on Fri Apr 10, 2015 9:25 pm; edited 13 times in total

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Org.XIV Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Xeromus, Adachi, Uchikina, Vita.
Planned Characters for DB Story: Redemi, Nobis, Matsuda.
To Be Introduced: Stice, Some jackass ghost, Rekoka, Raidou. Also some villains.

"Go forth, and set the world on fire!"
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  Haar_Dragon on Thu Dec 26, 2013 4:40 am

Very well-done, dude. Honestly, I feel like it's a bit more cohesive, since we don't have, say, your style conflicting with mine, so it feels much smoother to go through. Also much more...not-crap than the original, and I definitely enjoyed seeing Xero's backstory.

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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  AKeybladeYouSay on Mon Dec 30, 2013 9:41 am

Do we have links to the original GameFAQs topics so we can study up and help, or are we just doing it off the tops of our heads?
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Mon Dec 30, 2013 9:46 am

...Well, I think I left the links lying around somewhere... I'm taking a break having gotten to Topic 2, and that's where I am now. Here's the page:

http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/943346-kingdom-hearts-358-2-days/56124953?page=2

Topic 2, page 3.

Want me to look around? I know I had all five topics lined up somewhere.

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Org.XIV Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Xeromus, Adachi, Uchikina, Vita.
Planned Characters for DB Story: Redemi, Nobis, Matsuda.
To Be Introduced: Stice, Some jackass ghost, Rekoka, Raidou. Also some villains.

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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  AKeybladeYouSay on Tue Dec 31, 2013 2:50 am

Sure.

Ninja edit: Wait, were you waiting for me in order to do my characters? Or did I just not show up until Topic 2?
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Tue Dec 31, 2013 3:10 am

Um, I haven't posted everything I've written yet, though it's written up to that point in the link. You appeared, controlling Xorion, Sally, and Tony.

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Org.XIV Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Xeromus, Adachi, Uchikina, Vita.
Planned Characters for DB Story: Redemi, Nobis, Matsuda.
To Be Introduced: Stice, Some jackass ghost, Rekoka, Raidou. Also some villains.

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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  AKeybladeYouSay on Tue Dec 31, 2013 3:11 am

Ah. Got it. Just curious.
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Tue Dec 31, 2013 3:12 am

...So, want me to track down those links and edit them into the first post of this topic for convenience's sake?

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Org.XIV Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Xeromus, Adachi, Uchikina, Vita.
Planned Characters for DB Story: Redemi, Nobis, Matsuda.
To Be Introduced: Stice, Some jackass ghost, Rekoka, Raidou. Also some villains.

"Go forth, and set the world on fire!"
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  AKeybladeYouSay on Tue Dec 31, 2013 3:13 am

Sounds like a plan.
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Tue Dec 31, 2013 3:32 am

There, it's been edited in. And now none of us will EVER have to slog through GameFAQs to find the topics again. I mean, since the titles are subtly different, and GameFAQs has a stupid search engine, it took a while to trying different things to find them all. Now, though, it's all linked.

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TITAL Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Kiel, Sukiru, Aleri@Future(Aleri's ghost from the future) Leon(FFII, not KH), Seta Souji(P4 Protagonist), LaKuRo.
Org.XIV Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Xeromus, Adachi, Uchikina, Vita.
Planned Characters for DB Story: Redemi, Nobis, Matsuda.
To Be Introduced: Stice, Some jackass ghost, Rekoka, Raidou. Also some villains.

"Go forth, and set the world on fire!"
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  AKeybladeYouSay on Tue Dec 31, 2013 3:33 am

You brave hero.
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Tue Jan 14, 2014 11:44 pm

Alright, Topic 1 is finished! And now for Topic 2, when this stuff REALLY gets crazy...

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Org.XIV Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Xeromus, Adachi, Uchikina, Vita.
Planned Characters for DB Story: Redemi, Nobis, Matsuda.
To Be Introduced: Stice, Some jackass ghost, Rekoka, Raidou. Also some villains.

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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  Haar_Dragon on Wed Jan 15, 2014 12:12 am

Reading back through this, I start to realize how stupid some things got. Primarily the stuff involving me. Geez, I read back through the old stuff now and Dispatch feels so rushed. Also, that segment at End of the World and Twilight Town in the last couple of posts was kinda hard to track from a logical standpoint. Mostly, "Why was everyone fighting Orion when Xorion was having no trouble, yet Dispatch was in the process of dying?"

At least we've learned how to write properly now, though!

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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Wed Jan 15, 2014 3:43 am

Yep. Here and there, I try to fix such stupid things, or at least make sure I'm aware of them. Of course, it takes much more energy to erase a part and rewrite it from scratch while keeping all the necessary details than it does to arrange them most of the time, though there are exceptions. Like when it just gets too crazy to cut and paste it together before editing it to look better.

Some sequences are probably going to be completely re-written, like the climactic Organization XIII battle near the end of Topic 2. Mostly because there's so much POTENTIAL for awesome, but it wasn't realized because Nate cut Xemnas' head off, enemies were dying left and right, and while kinda satisfying in some cases, it didn't make sense unless each of our characters were just WAY beyond Organization XIII.

I know that one such sequence was dumbed down: the investigation of the mysterious Truck-At-The-End-Of-The-World. Dispatch and Siks went to take a look, but in Recompleted, it's mentioned without the details. Spoiler alert, the first Org.XIII battle gets dumbed down a little, too. And Org.XIV was DEFINITELY less triumphant this time.

I did edit some things more subtly, like how I actually made it so that Rexial went along with something instead of Dispatch, and how Rexial had an excuse for not being in the thick of that battle: he was feeling under-the-weather. Problem is, I think of those more in conjunction with my own characters, as I'm most comfortable writing for them.

A lot of the stupidity came from the fact that everybody was posting at crazy speeds, and it was all about having fun, not writing an awesome story. So actions were taken just to get back into the action ASAP, like returning to the battlefield after collapsing and being brought back to HQ. And we didn't have a good sense of how to handle flashbacks and trauma, so we got a lot of 'Xandelus was kicking ass, but then the image of his ex-girlfriend who died before he could ask her out again popped into his head. He collapsed, screaming her name as tears streamed down his face.' So it was often formulaic, uninteresting, and embarrassing when it happened too often in one scenario.

...And while it would be possible to try re-writing this stuff to be the pinnacle of awesome and perfectly up to our current standards, I'm pretty sure a good number of plot decisions were made that we could NOT reconcile with logic at this point without extremely bullsh*t explanations. I mean, I still added little ones here and there to soften up the illogic so that it wasn't 'I was here for no reason' so much as 'I was here for a weak yet entirely plausible reason'.

And for the record, I blame Yusei for that part. Look at the writing; Rexial himself seems to think it's a stupid idea to do that right after everybody nearly died. Siks and Kotank actually knew not to come along, and everybody wanted to go rest, but Xorion insisted. Of course, if it's bugging you enough, I could actually manage to separate it logically. They could return triumphantly, and then have Xorion do his thing.

TL;DR: Yeah, it was dumb, but it's too hard to fix it, and impossible to completely fix. But do you want me to fix that part in particular?

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TITAL Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Kiel, Sukiru, Aleri@Future(Aleri's ghost from the future) Leon(FFII, not KH), Seta Souji(P4 Protagonist), LaKuRo.
Org.XIV Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Xeromus, Adachi, Uchikina, Vita.
Planned Characters for DB Story: Redemi, Nobis, Matsuda.
To Be Introduced: Stice, Some jackass ghost, Rekoka, Raidou. Also some villains.

"Go forth, and set the world on fire!"
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  AKeybladeYouSay on Wed Jan 15, 2014 9:58 pm

Could you explain specifically what you're blaming me for? I'm sure it is actually my fault, I just didn't pick up on it well enough from what you said.
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  AKeybladeYouSay on Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:10 pm

Well, I'm reading through the whole thing and I'm absolutely disappointed with myself for creating this hogwash.
"Hey, we conveniently showed up where we were needed to do a stupid thing!"
"NOOOO, GIRL WHO'S APPARENTLY IMPORTANT TO ME THAT I DECIDED TO FINALLY SAY SOMETHING ABOUT NOW"
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Thu Jan 16, 2014 12:10 am

...Yeah, I'm gonna have to go back in there and work out some of those bugs. How to explain the flashbacks...? I could easily make it related to their location, since such an abomination of a world would clearly affect people's minds, and Rexial was already starting to become physically ill from it, probably because he has the weakest physical constitution.

But I was going to try to be a little more... I dunno, clear about that part: I blame you for being melodramatic without being leagues beyond where we were all at by that time. XGeass and What'sUp pulled it off somehow, so my hat's off to them, but the rest of us? Let's be honest, we DID suck. But we got better, and thanks to this feedback, I can go in and fix things so they don't suck as bad.

And, I'll say it again, Yusei: we were pretty much ALL like that. Haar rushed things and couldn't establish things properly, you created new characters with tragic stories one after the other and couldn't quite achieve proper drama, I had no idea what the hell I was doing most of the time, and What'sUp didn't have a perfect grasp of how to write in a grammatically correct way. And, uh, KH... hrm. I don't think I remember anything bad about his stuff except for some of the usual overly-convenient BS (less than usual, actually,) and some minor errors.


...Y'know, the number of things that got retconned in seriously change the story. I mean, Alex's writer, Kaitokid, dropped off, and since his last remembered action was his encounter with Nexas, he was retconned to DEATH. So I ended up having to write Nexas actually killing him. And then I had to work out the bugs resulting from that, as Seth and Nexas' following conversation required a piece of input from Alex, so instead, Nexas just plain knew about a certain character showing up when Zane was introduced instead of getting Alex to talk. And I don't think I got Seth's dialogue very well, I need to have XGeass take a look at it.

And the fact that Rexial's leave of absence was actually just me losing my internet connection for a month, which resulted in him being knocked into space in a similar vein to how Alex was retconned to death. I love saying that for some reason, sorry. So instead of everybody carrying on like nothing ever happened, they've lost two members, one of whom was an important organizer and fighter, and the other wasn't exactly trash, either.

Another things I'm worried about is that, since I wasn't on often enough to keep you guys in check (which resulted in some of the insanity, as even then, I might have stopped the Orion Confrontation from happening directly following the Battle at the End) or to have Rexial act, so I added him back in to certain places where he would have logically come along, or gave him some excuse like having to report about things if I left him out of the scene. Sorry, run-on sentence. My worry is that in places where Rexial wasn't originally there, I had to write up things for him to do and say without affecting things too much. So he ended up getting mostly snarky commentary and exposition.



...Er, anyway! Unless I hear any objections, I think I'll go back in and edit things to solve some of the issues we've addressed.

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Org.XIV Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Xeromus, Adachi, Uchikina, Vita.
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  AKeybladeYouSay on Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:09 am

I don't remember writing Xorion as such a dickface... Was the dialogue really that mean-spirited?
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:19 am

I'd like to say it was just me editing him to be more vicious so that he stands out a bit more from the basic stereotypical Nobody character, but no, I didn't change his dialogue. I changed that one part about him falling behind because what he said didn't match up with what Dispatch said, but rather the text itself. So it changed from "Don't you ever say I'm falling behind" to "Don't you ever even think that I'm falling behind". Because Dispatch just said to "hurry up", not that he was "falling behind".

And a lot of it strikes me as him just no longer understanding or caring about social norms, focusing only on his own interests... which only really includes serving the organization and killing things, at that point in time. He doesn't care enough to soften his words so that people will get along with him better since, well, he doesn't CARE what they think, they'll work together regardless. So, yeah, he's being kind of a jerk, but he's not being as bad as he COULD be.

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Org.XIV Characters: Aleri, Rexial, Xeromus, Adachi, Uchikina, Vita.
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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  khfreak358 on Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:28 am

I appreciate the support, Nebula, but I can think of a few big problems I had. I was a really bad dialogue writer, and I feel like, early on, I made Siks feel too much like a generic "badass", and still managed to botch that up. Still, we've grown, and we're continuing to grow. That, I feel, is what's really important in the long run.

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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  Haar_Dragon on Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:38 am

Dude, I decided to bring in a Saiyan. And my thought process was literally nothing more than: "...Ah, f*ck it, I want to."

Also, did he have a tail at this point? I seem to recall him getting captured at Hollow Bastion and growing it while unconscious. That just occurred to me now. I think that was some time near Aaron's intro, actually.

...I never explained why ASoD seemed to have a connection to Dispatch. And they must have had some sort of something, or ASoD wouldn't have bothered capturing him...or continually trying to kill him...or coming back from the dead because we established that the events of KH1 did actually happen but with another MC...

Damn. I was really terrible. I mean, it's like I decided, "Yep, this is awesome. I have no idea why it's happening, but it's awesome, so I must post it."

I still have a tendency to do that on occasion, but not nearly as bad. And I...y'know, actually get around to creating a reason later, rather than just letting it sit there and be stupid.

So yeah. We're all much improved. Go us!

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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:14 am

Actually, I think it was established that Nori did a pretty bad job of being Sora. Maleficent was still around, the End of the World was still there, and he got put into a coma by Organization XIII until he was freed much later.

Also, as of now, I've written past that part with Dispatch finally discovering his tail. And I'm pretty certain I made passing mention of it in his introduction, but he didn't seem to notice it. And I changed up his method of escape, too, since Calcium isn't a metal, and there was a more obvious solution that should've occurred to Dispatch sooner that was slightly less dubious. And the original writing never mentioned that his tail hadn't been there before, just that he'd first noticed it at Hollow Bastion.

As for the AnsemSoD thing... eh, I figured that Ansem was just pissed at Dispatch for blowing up his ship, and thought he'd get revenge by making him a test subject or something. And I think it escalated. I mean, wouldn't you be pissed if this one guy who broke your ship and tried to kill you kept escaping every time you tried to get back at him? It could have developed into something of a rivalry. I should probably integrate that into the writing somewhere.

And I haven't gotten to Aaron's intro just yet. Maybe I should wait on posting up more of the story until I fix some of the existing writings, and build up more writing to post. Y'know, create a buffer so that I can continue posting and writing it the way I'm doing it now.

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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  Haar_Dragon on Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:53 am

Calcium is a metal...though I don't recall writing that. But yeah, Calcium is an alkaline Earth Metal.

...Do you really think ASoD would consider Dispatch anything on the level of a rival? Dispatch got destroyed in every encounter until Daniel killed ASoD with a chainsaw to the chest. Another stupid thing I did, yay!

...I still like Daniel, though. He has a Keyblade with a fang on it. And he's a werewolf. And a badass who fights the King of Murdering Things. And an epic spy. Who suffers from Ocelot Syndrome.

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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  khfreak358 on Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:58 am

Y'know, Haar, that was exactly my thought process when I brought in a Wookie. And a Jedi. I had a Star Wars problem.

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Re: Org.XIV: Recompleted - Discussion

Post  NebulaGregarZX on Thu Jan 16, 2014 4:07 am

Yeah, I'm still thinkin' Necro was a bit much. Kotank, though, is perfectly acceptable, to be honest.

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